Hauswirtschaftsleiterin

I kept meaning to post about our trip to the zoo (besides showing off our Schneeziege), but I never found the time. Long story short, Wilhelma is a zoo and botanical gardens, laid out in a palace. Pretty awesome.

Here are some of the more interesting points. The gallery of our adventures is below.

1. Peacocks roam free. You may see three peacocks running around with no supervision. We first ran into one walking around on the top of a brick wall.
2. The tigers seem sad.
3. Flamingos are amazing. How do they balance like that?! Also, their wings are black on the bottom. I bet there’s a reason, but I’m too lazy to look it up.
4. Polar bears (Eisbär) are awesome. They walk around a lot, and are gigantic. If thrown into their cages, we would not survive.
5. Cows want to french-kiss.
6. Petting zoos are not just for kids
7. Goats bleat really, really loudly.

Okay, this isn’t really German food. And it’s not really funny or interesting in any way. But I feel it must be posted.

Delicious Pepper-stuffed Olives

These were the best olives I’ve ever had in my life. We ate the whole can before dinner was finished cooking, and then drank the juice.

Have you ever wondered how the Maibaum is supported? I bet you have!

Alissa poses with wooden wedges

We can’t tell if this is an official place for the maibaum to be mounted, or if they stuck it in a sewer opening, and then pounded some shims into the hole to make it fit. We’ll probably never know.

By the way, based on our initial observations, Degerloch has the best maibaum by far. Much bigger and more awesome in every category. The categories are: size, quality of the tree at the top, trinkets hanging from the side. We win at all of them.

Alissa’s company reserved tables at a Frülingsfest beer tent last night. We debated going,  but ended up deciding it would be important to make an appearance. We’d be home by 9:30.

For those of you that don’t know (or can’t tell from the photo I posted earlier), these beer tents are one giant, silly party. Several of Alissa’s coworkers explained the event to me. “Ahhh, it’s just a stupid thing! The songs make no sense, it’s just… yeah. It’s silly. But it’s so fun!” Everyone stands on the seats and dances around as much as possible within the constraints required from standing on a rickety wooden bench. This is perfect for people who can’t dance. My theory is that this is primarily the reason these festivals are so popular. Some things are just not possible:

• move your feet outside a 2 foot width
• show off your dancing skills for longer than 3 to 5 seconds
• engage in small talk

This is perfect for awkward people! I analyzed my dancing style several times throughout the night, and came to the conclusion that I was doing a better job than most of the people around me. This is highly unusual. Normally, bending your knees 12 degrees, repeatedly, is not sufficient. At Frülingsfest, simply combine knee-bending, hand-waving or clapping, and the occasional beer sip, and you’re good to go!

And you have to sing. Singing is required because absolutely everyone does it. Everyone screams at the top of their lungs. Those that can’t hold a tune are drowned out by everyone that can. Americans don’t have to know they lyrics to anything. They can just blab.

“Oder bund der aaaaaaaannnn yeah! eeeeye suu doooof!!” I sang. “Das bakieoooooni! spaaaagheeeeeetti!”

But there are a surprising number of songs sung in English. Oldies are popular. So is classic rock. Sometimes they are modified in strange ways; for example, Aretha Franklin’s Respect had several refrains of “la la la” inserted. Whatever is fun to sing, is sung.

A new bench is bolted to the floor

The other fun thing to do at these events is to make sure you dance carefully as to not break the benches. Ha ha! Just kidding! Nobody seems to recognize the danger. Large German guys will jump up and down right beside you, ignoring the 4 inch deflection the poorly reinforced benches give under the load. Luckily, they don’t ever break.

Ha ha ha! Just kidding again. The crack, as the bench beside us broke, sounded like someone was going to die. This must happen every now and then, because they brought a spare bench and had it replaced in about three minutes. Everyone okay? Good! EVERYONE START JUMPING AGAIN!

The night ended after we were too tired to keep standing up.

I don’t remember exactly when we were introduced to this, but I think it was part of a breakfast that included yogurt and granola. Alissa poked at it, and the person who owned the breakfast politely asked her to stop.

Physalis in it's shell

Ha ha! No, that’s not what happened. Instead, he asked her if she wanted to try one. The restaurant brought us another, and we both had a bite. Delicious.

The name of this fruit is unclear, but you can buy them in the store under the name Physalis. If you search for them online, you get names like Blasenkirschen (which translates to jujube), cape goosberry or Physalis peruviana, and Aztec berry. Whatever the name, they’re everywhere. I think they’d make a great pie, but it was pointed out that they’re pretty expensive for that. They’re served with ice cream (as the cherry on top!) and in yogurt. Pretty much anywhere a cherry would be served. Anywhere a small, sweet, interesting fruit might be appreciated.

Peal back the paper-like leaf covers

They cost a couple Euro per box of twelve. Or something like that.

The flavor is hard to describe. Kinda orange-y, with a texture like a tomato. We pealed and ate a whole pack last night, and I wish I had a few to eat as I’m writing this. There are some more culinary adjectives that should go here.

The inside is like a cherry tomato

When we get rich, I’m gonna make a pie. Awwww, what would happen if you mixed these with sour cherries?! That would be the best pie in the whole world!

Maybe I should get a job.

We’ve heard that the longer you stay in a foreign country, the more you start to loose your native language. It sounds awful but we know it won’t happen to us. Our foreign friends are all silly!

As we were deciding where to explore this weekend, Alissa said, “Let’s make a trip to -” and froze.

Make a trip?

We’re losing it already! EVERYBODY BACK TO THE USA!

I guess we could go to the UK, but we don’t want to be caught saying “crisps” instead of “chips”, the way God intended.

We almost adopted a mountain goat. It tried to follow us home, because it liked us. Here’s a picture of our Schneeziege.

Our Schneeziege

That was before she saw us. After we got closer, we called out to her. “Hallo Schneeziege!” She looked up, and kept her eyes on us. We know she liked us, because she followed us with her head.

Schneeziege Watches Us With Love

You don’t just pee in front of someone unless you feel comfortable with them.

Schneeziege Pees Comfortably

Then she took a drink.

Schneeziege Drinks

The End.

I picked up a couple chicken breasts marinated in some kind of sauce stuff for dinner. When I got home, I realized that I mis-translated the package. I had pork instead. To make matters worse, I had schweinenackensteaks, which means pig neck steaks.

Before I threw them in the trash, I checked to see if there was some way to salvage the evening. Turns out, they’re perfect for pan frying. And I can fry up a steak, because I am a man.

Slightly Burnt Schweinenackensteaks with Mushrooms in Butter and Chopped Cherry Tomatoes That I Forgot To Salt

I may be the best Hausfrau ever.

FAXE Premium

Know what the best thing about drinking this beer? The can! One liter! I felt like a 3 year old trying to drink a 12-ounce soda.

The beer inside was okay.

You can stand in one place and see four Apotheke.

Drug stores in the States, such as Rite Aid, Duane Reade, or CVS, are divided into sections. You can buy prescription drugs from the pharmacist in the back, aspirin from the shelves in the middle, or a beach ball and makeup from the front. The basic idea here is presumably that medicines like aspirin can be adequately handed by a normal person, without the supervision of a pharmacist. I have grown up with this assumption, so of course it seems natural.

But Germans feel different. The stores that most closely resemble American drug stores only sell the drugs that can’t possibly harm you; deodorant, shampoo, vitamins, makeup, and beach balls. Everything else, including minor pain medication, is retrieved over-the-counter from an Apotheke. Now keep in mind that “over-the-counter” does not mean “you can go pick up a bottle from a shelf”. Instead, it means “you have to ask for it from a person who stands behind a counter”. To add insult to inconvenience, headache medicines come in packs of 12 or so, in individually wrapped sleeves. Much like our expensive allergy medication might come in. And the person behind the counter will inform you of the proper way to medicate yourself.

And I’m not sure why there are so many of them, but every city center area contains more Apotheke than Duane Reade has locations in New York. And you can only buy drugs and exotic cosmetics from Apotheke! Are Germans really that into hard drugs and cosmetics?