Löffel’s Mühlen Gold Export
Why are organic beers so bad?
Edit: One of the bullet points from the philosophy page on their website: “Quality management according to DIN ISO 9001:2008”. Not the best catchphrase to bring up at a bar.
Altenmünster Brauer Bier Hopfig Herb
Boring.
I really hoped “hopfig herb” meant “interesting”, but that was not the case.
Köstritzer Schwarzbier
This was probably the first dark beer I tried. I’m going to have to try it again, because the Internet reviews of this beer are different from what I remember. I remember a fairly bland beer, with practically no redeeming qualities. But I think I was judging it back before my mouth realized it was going to have to change. So I’ll give it another shot.
But for now, I’ll say it was an oddly light-tasting beer, with a weird, burnt flavor.
Stuttgarter Hofbräu Malteser Weissbier Kristall
This may have been the second Kristall weisbier I’ve tried. I don’t really remember the beer, but I do know it was just “okay”. Stuttgarter Hofbräu is a very large brewery around here, and most of their beers are “okay”.
It has a monk on the front though. Everybody loves a good monk picture.
Our plan was to take the train out to a park area along the Neckar River, and enjoy summer. Walk around. Enjoy the sunshine. But plans changed. We walked off the train, and directly into a southern USA country fair.
What’s Stuttgarter Hofbrau doing in Texas?
We were a bit astonished. Spare ribs and country music in Germany! Tons of people in cowboy hats and boots! Fantastic! But our love for these people was just getting started.
I lived in Houston a few years ago. One night, a few of us went to a country-western club and danced. And drank. And danced. We didn’t have to know what we were doing. Line dancing is still fun, even if you sometimes collide with the person beside you. So imagine my delight when we see Germans line-dancing! They knew the steps! But the completely hilarious thing was the way they danced. They were totally serious. No smiles. I wish I had a video.
Then we dug into the ribs. Ten Euro for all-you-can-eat.
Served with Louisiana Hot Sauce!
They were really good, and that’s saying a lot because restaurants don’t always get ribs right even in the United States. But then, the Germans are good at meat, so maybe I should have expected it. The sauce was well done too; it wasn’t quite classic, but it would not be out of place in Houston. And as an added bonus, they served Louisiana hot sauce on the side! And it was good hot sauce! It may have been Texas Pete, but I don’t know Louisiana sauces as well as I probably should.
Look at his hat decoration. Awesome.
Halfway through our all-you-can-eat rib meal, the band took a break, and the siren on the highway patrol car went off. Yes, that’s right. I said “highway patrol”. They had an older Texas highway patrol car parked out front.
What is this crazy car from the West??
Honestly, we walked by this twice, and didn’t even notice. It wasn’t more than 10 meters from our table, but it didn’t even register to me. As far as I was concerned, some cop had parked his car outside, and was enjoying some ribs. It wasn’t until the siren went off, that I thought “Hey, maybe someone is getting arrested”, and looked up.
Nope! Just part of the show. People were yelling “Woooooo!” as the siren went off. Two Harley Davidson bikes were started, and revved louder and louder, to cheers. I thought the bikes were there simply because someone rode them there. Now, they seemed like props.
It was a surreal scene. We spent a good part of our day just watching. These people were really into it!
Just like a real bull!
The weather was pretty windy, so we finished stuffing ourselves with ribs, and walked back to the train. To the young man who told me where I should return our plates before he left in a hurry, I’m sorry. I have no idea what you said. I hope you said something to the effect of “just leave them on the table and someone will pick them up”. I further hope that leaving them on the table wasn’t a sign to others, causing our two plates to grow into a stack.
Well, it was fun. As a one-time-lived-in-Texas American person, I give you all a stamp of approval.
Except you line dancers. You guys need to smile.
Hilsenbeck`s Brunnenbier naturtrüb
It’s a little difficult to figure out what the name of this beer is. The website uses all the words above, plus “Gruibinger”. But it doesn’t matter. Skip this one.
I had high hopes, because the bottle and label look nice. But it was boring.
We drank it in a bar located inside the climbing gym. Pretty great, right? You can see the climbing holds in the background.
Franziskaner Weissbier Naturtrüb
I don’t like weissbiers, as a general rule. But I will grudgingly admit that I like this one. The type of yeast they use gives it a nice banana aroma. And that is just delightful.
This beer also seems to avoid the god-awful metallic taste that is pervasive in so many hefeweisens. Thumbs up.
By the way, the Stuttgart train station is in the background. The station is starting to feel like Penn or Grand Central Station to me. Every time we return to the city from a trip, the station makes me feel like I’m home. It’s nice that we’ve been here long enough for that to happen.
Original OeTTINGER Export and Pils
I drank these beers a few months ago, while we still lived in temporary housing. I wanted to nail down the difference in taste between an Export and a regular Pils. The Export is meant for export, and is pasteurized or somehow otherwise preserved to have a long shelf life. The pils is theoretically fresher.
Looking back on it, this was probably not the beer to do it with. It wasn’t particularly good. Bland. Typical pils, but leaned toward the not-so-great beers. And while I think I could tell a tiny difference between the two (more in smell than flavor), nobody cares. Seriously, nobody cares. If you make the conscious decision to pick up one of these beers from the store, you have no business being all pissed off that you accidentally got the Export, when you meant to get the pils. They’re the same.
The Export was slightly darker, I think. But again, nobody cares.
Next.
Lidl Grafenwalder Grapefruit Heffeweizen-Mix
Lidl is something of a “discount” grocery store, located near our apartment. This caught my eye because I like grapefruit juice, and Alissa likes Radlers (which are a combination of hefeweizen and lemonaid). So a product that combines hefeweizen and grapefruit juice? Winner!
No. Not a winner at all. The plastic bottle should have given it away. Man, this was really hard to drink. I sometimes sip a beer while I’m at my computer, and I usually get through the beer before I know it. This product made me question my beverage choice every time I took a sip.
“Okay, I don’t want any more. That’s enough.”
“Why did I take another sip?”
“Really? Again? Am I on automatic pilot?”
“Ug. That was not good. How much of this do I have left? Wow, that’s almost still full.”
“I can either accidentally take another sip, or I can get up and pour this down the drain.”
“GAH!”
And so on. I finished it. But I was not happy about it.
Okay, I’d like start this post by asking everyone to close your eyes. Just take some deep breaths, and let the air out slowly. Ahhhhhhh. Let’s think about something that will make us happy. We all like roast turkey, right? Delicious roasted turkey, sliced thin? My mouth is watering already. Let’s put a few slices of roasted turkey on this oval-shaped styrofoam plate. This turkey is going to be delicious, but I think we’re missing something. Maybe some vegetables? Okay, let’s throw on a pickle. That’s enough vegetables, right? No? Okay, okay. How about a slice of carrot? There we go! Beautiful. And since we’re in Germany, we may as well add some more protein. Let’s add a slice of egg.
Excellent job, everyone! This is looking really, really great. We’ve got a few pieces of sliced roasted turkey, with a thin slice of egg to the left, a single pickle slice in the center, and a fancy-cut slice of carrot on the right! It really does look amazing, but I think we can make it even better. Can anyone think of what we might add? This plate still has a lot of room.
Ah! I know! Let’s fill it with goo! Yes! We’ll just pour some goo all over the plate, filling in all the gaps between the slices of meat and vegetables. And you know what? I’ll be damned if we’re going to skimp on this! This is our fantasy! We’re going to add as much goo as we can fit into this plate! There we go! Wow!
Okay okay, everybody wake up! Open your eyes. Open your eyes and behold.
It’s like a dream come true.
Naturally, the first thing we’ll want to do is poke our finger in it.
There’s a solid chunk of goo on the top. This is quality stuff.
Readers with sharp eyes will notice there is another pickle under the packaging. I’m not sure if that’s a happy accident, or if everyone gets two pickles. But anyway, the quality of the goo can not be denied. Nice and solid, yet gives way with some insistent pushing. This is going to taste fantastic. But first, let’s not be greedy. After all, Alissa is still at work, and we don’t want to hog the entire goo plate before she gets home.
Five stars. Bravo.
I just kinda “came up” with the whole serving suggestion here. I sliced off some thick chunks of good bread and added them to the plate.
For the first bite, make sure we get some pickle.
It was really quite good. Seriously. The meat was delicious, the pickle was delicious, and the egg was probably just there for show. The goo was a bit sour. If I had one complaint, it would be that the goo was a bit too sour. It had a nice texture, but I think there was simply too much of it. As I ate, I found myself leaving the larger chunks of aspic on the plate. On any other day, I would have eaten it with the bread.
My quest to find a disgusting German meat product continues. You will not find it here.